Why is it that when you get older and you look back on your primary school, even high school days, u think if only i had have done this or done that or stood up for myself here when this happened, alot of things would be different now?
How can someone so little have such an impact on your life!

Being a Kid sucks........and it doesn't make it any easier growing up with an illness that no one understands least of all you.

That is my life!!........for 8 years now i have delt with an illness that to this day i still don't understand.

when i was younger prolly about 11 i was at school playing with my friends and one of my best friends noticed that my eyes had gone yellow, and pointed it out to me. So i played along as if they were suppose to be like cos i didn't want to be the "freak" with yellow eyes.

So that night i went home and told my dad, he got a worried look on his face and was like we should propable take you to the doctors.
The next day we were off to the doctors.....Well from that day on my life has never been the same! just becuase my eyes had a hint of yellow.....

Weeks and weeks went by and the doctor had nothing. he knew there was something wrong, but didn't know what..he was stumped because i had nothing else wrong with me. no pains, no sickness nothing just these yellow eyes. I had alot of time off school over this period because they didn't know weather it was safe for me to be around other kids, and at home i had to have my own knife fork spoon cup plate everything had to be my own. So you could only imagin how i felt at this time.

Finally my doctor gave up and sent me to a doctor in at the Childrens Hospital who looked after kids with liver problems, which they had narrowed it down to seeing as i had yellow in the eyes.
So in the first week of meeting with this doctor he said the only way to find out what it is was to have a liver biopsy and that will tell him exactly what hes dealing with...

So a week later i was booked in for my operation and they figured out i had a disease called Auto Immune System Hepatitis.
So now with knowing exactly what they were dealing with they could treat it....

After finding out what i had the next 3 years were propable the hardest years of my life so far.
I was so young to deal with this major life ultering thing, and no one i knew could help me understand because they didn't understand themself!

After my doctor found out he thru me onto a huge dosage of stereoids! which if anyone has ever had to take them will know, they are the worst thing in the world......
They have such an enormous effect on u its unbelievable.....my emotions were up and down like crazy my weight went thru the roof i am still to this day trying to get rid of the left over weight i don't want just because of these little pills...

So being on these terrible tablets and going to school and ppl knowing you have this illness was pretty rough on a 12 year old and not to mention her increase in body fat.....which we all know is not the best thing to have while heading off to high school.

so attending school and having all these kids ask you all these question about yourself, was hard because i didn't know what to say, i didn't know what my illness was called, i didn't now what it was, and i don't know how i got it.
and put on top of that my emotions were all over the place at this time i was crying every second it felt like now i look back on those years, i remember i would just be standing there doing nothing and tears would just fall, for no reason, and no one understood....they would ask why i was crying but i had no answer for them.

This time was very hard for my parents aswell, as any parent would know they hate seeing one of there kids in pain, and thats what i was, i was in emotional pain, and they couldn't help. they would know what to do if i cut my knee or feel off my bike, but this they didn't know what to do....i would cry and cry and they couldn't help me....i would often hear them of a night talking in there bedroom and crying because they felt so helpless, which made me more depressed as i hated putting my parent thru that...i hated seeing them crying over me!

thats what brings me to hurtful kids.....there was this one girl at primary school a "friend" you could say....the little miss popular the one everyone loved, the one who liked u one week and then not the next.....she swapped her mind every week....
this one particular girl made my life hell, right at the time i didn't need it the most.....i look back on her and think why did i care so much? i had other friends i didn't need her?.....she tourmented me with not just her words but her facial expression and body language, the acts of like "oh whatever" or "oh as if it does"......she always had to be center of attntion and did not care about neone.....

one day i rememebr, it was one of my first days back at school and i was having a horrible time coping with it all.....and one lunch i was sitting there crying to one of my friends and she has come up to me and told me to get over it!! GET OVER IT??????? please......if only back then i knew what i do now....i so would have put her back in her box....and not taken her shit they way i did.....at a camp i remember lying in bed i hearing her copying me by crying and telling me to shut up and get over it and that has really stuck with me!! and it hurt so much......

i still see this girl out and about i went thru high school with her but i relised she wasn't the friend for me and she has wound up with no one now a days....

i have finally accepted that i have this illness and i can't do anything about it and have to live my life as well as i can!
i am finally off the stereoids but still on some medication to keep it stable. i have had three liver opertations since i have had this disease and there not pleasant, but ive leanrt to deal......